i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
