I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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