Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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