I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
