just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
