You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
