3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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