Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
