Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
