I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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