I want to have your abortion
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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