We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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