fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
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We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Help. Why am I so naked?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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