Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize