can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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