I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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