its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
