It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
