Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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