Where is the hickey?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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