I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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