You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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