Small penises have feelings too.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
