Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
