Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
