the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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