You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
