im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
