Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
