omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
