Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There's even glitter on my cock...
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