I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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