so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
