she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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