the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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