people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
