a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
