Sry I called you an 8
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
