this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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