I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
