Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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