sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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