I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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