sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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