Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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