how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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