I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
