I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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