you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Let's get the cat blown out
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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