I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
