Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
