I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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