Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dear god my vagina.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
