Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
