If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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