Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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