booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
