I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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