so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night