Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?

(407): View more from Florida

i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery

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(720): View more from Colorado

I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.

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(775): View more from Nevada

No, you can still breathe under the balls.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

he confused my yawn for an orgasm

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You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Read it at the TFLN blog
(724): View more from Pennsylvania

The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport

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(417): View more from Missouri

Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.

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(719): View more from Colorado

I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.

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