hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
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You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.