I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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