just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
