Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
