I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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