Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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