I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
