dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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