I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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