I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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